


In The Aftermath

by SheeWolf85



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Communication, Everything Hurts, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mentions of Past Torture, No explicit torture descriptions, Reconciliation, Spicyhoney - Freeform, takes a while to get there though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:07:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21714265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheeWolf85/pseuds/SheeWolf85
Summary: Based on a prompt I received from Tumblr for angsty spicyhoney and the line "your life was my life's best part."What was once an open-ended oneshot has turned into an mulit-chapter story.When Edge is badly injured in Underfell, Red brings him to the best healer he knows--Blue. Only, Blue's not there. Leaving him with Rus to start the healing process while he searches for Blue, Rus and Edge have a moment to reunite after a bad breakup and six months apart. The trouble is, Edge is dying and Rus doesn't have the strength to save him.Will Red and Blue return in time to help?
Relationships: ClassicBerry, Papyrus/Papyrus (Undertale), Sans/Sans (Undertale), Spicyhoney
Comments: 90
Kudos: 117





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure most of you who read this will have already read the first chapter in my Tumblr Drabble Requests or on Tumblr. If you haven't, that's okay, I've re-posted it as the actual first chapter here so there's no confusion. The comments got to me (in a good way!) and after replying a possible outcome, my hand slipped and an entire damn plot was designed.
> 
> Please beware that this fic is pretty damn angsty for a while. If you've read the tags, you'll see that it does eventually let up, but I can't in good faith say that it ever really goes away. It maybe just gets lighter? 
> 
> If you want to know my answer to the open-ended question of "does Edge die?" then you've come to the right place!
> 
> I would like to give a special thank you to TayTay2656 for the prompt. And, although all of the comments I received had a part to play, I think I should also give a shout out to TheSinBubble for being the comment that broke me.

Edge had only had a fraction of a second’s warning. The air had changed, a change of intent coming from behind him. He managed to grab Red and turn, pulling his brother behind him before the blast hit them, sending them both flying out toward the enemy with attacks still hitting them from both directions. 

Somehow, Edge managed to pull Red in front of him again and curl around him, trying his best to protect them both. 

They hit the ground with crushing force only a second before another blast hit. 

Then suddenly, they were in a dark cave. The sudden silence was beyond deafening, the echoing thunder of a hundred attacks abruptly gone. It left Edge feeling dizzy. He heard his brother saying something, but the words were muffled and far away. He reached out blindly to find Red right next to him. Why did he sound so far away?

Red grabbed his hand too tightly and kept talking. Why was it so hard to understand anything? 

Reality shifted again and they were in their basement. The sound of the machine roaring to life was too quiet. Edge shook his head to try to clear it only to be met with a wave of dizziness so disorienting he couldn’t hold himself up. He’d already been laying down, and his skull hitting the ground didn’t help much to clear his confusion. 

“...bro...gotcha…”

Red’s voice was becoming only slightly clearer. Edge felt himself being hauled up into his brother’s shaking arms. 

“...hang...gonna...help…”

His brother’s words were still too muffled to understand much, but occasionally a word here and there would slip through to Edge’s understanding. 

They went through the machine. Edge could tell that much. He was cold again, so cold he started to shiver as Red carried him, staggering through the snow. 

As the moments passed, Edge began to understand something important. 

He couldn’t move his legs. He could only barely move his arms. Red Snarled at him when he tried, so Edge let them fall limp against his chest as Red carried him. 

“don’t you fuckin’ dare fall asleep on me,” Red grunted. 

Edge opened his eyes to see a blurry version of Red’s face. He couldn’t help but smile a little when he realized he could actually understand what he’d said. 

“hang on a sec, bro. sorry if this hurts.”

He was set down on a cold surface, but there was no pain. Only a numbing chill seeping into his bones. He heard Red pounding on a door. He recognized that door. Why were they here? His soul lurched painfully; he wanted so badly to see Rus, but would Rus want to see him?

The last time they’d talked had been six months ago, and Edge was certain Rus still hated him. He’d been harsh because he had to be. Rus hadn’t listened to him and wandered outside to smoke. Edge had followed, his only intention to remind Rus that it was dangerous and to please come back inside before someone saw him and started asking questions. 

But someone had seen them, and fuck him if it wasn’t Doggo. 

Doggo had some questions alright. Edge had been a bit too convincing in his retorts, trying to play as if Rus belonged to him, as if he were nothing more than a toy to be enjoyed but one he wasn’t willing to share, and Rus had taken exception. He hadn’t stayed the night with Edge as they’d planned. He hadn’t given Edge a chance to explain. He’d called Edge a liar and a manipulator, accused him of playing with Rus’ feelings for a sick game, and then he’d left. 

They hadn’t talked since despite the voicemails Edge had left, trying desperately to explain, to apologize. 

Edge had always known his relationship with Rus wasn’t going to last. From the first kiss, Edge knew it was doomed. He wasn’t allowed to have nice things. His world ripped them all away from him. Even his position in the Guard didn’t mean shit anymore. Not when rival gangs started to fight back against the King’s rulings.

The door opening brought Edge back to the present. Rus stood there, and Edge found himself staring. 

He was absolutely beautiful, like he’d always been. 

At first, his face was scrunched in a disgusted frown, but it quickly changed to alarm. Then he looked down at Edge and something passed over his features. Something Edge couldn’t quite place. It didn’t look like revulsion or hatred. 

Then Rus was ushering them in, a cold fear in his voice that confused Edge. 

“hurry,” Rus said, gesturing wildly for Red to get them both inside. “come on, you can put him on the couch. blue isn’t here, but i can...oh, fuck...i can call him.” 

“ain’t no time for that,” Red said. “you start healin’ an’ i’ll call ‘im.”

“but i can’t--” 

Red grabbed the front of Rus’ sweater and tugged him down. “you _fucking_ can,” he growled, “an’ you fuckin’ will. my bro is dyin’, an’ you ain’t gonna let your emotional shit keep you from helpin’ ‘im.”

Edge wanted to tell him to stop it, that he had no right to force Rus to do anything he didn’t want to. His mouth opened and a whimpered sound came out. 

Red’s sockets widened and he all but pushed Rus at him. “get ta work.”

Rus sank to his knees next to Edge. He was so close. Close enough to touch, if he dared. Oh, he wanted to. How he wanted to feel that smooth bone beneath his fingertips again, to hold Rus in his arms and whisper words of love against his skull. 

His desires meant nothing. Edge did his best to clear his throat and tried to speak again. 

“...Don’t have to,” he managed. 

Rus met his eye lights, those gorgeous white orbs small and fearful while his sockets started overflowing with tears. “don’t tell me i don’t have to,” he said shakily. “your brother’s right; you’re dying and we don’t have time to wait for my brother to get here. he might not even be able to help.”

An attempt at shaking his head was met with another wave of dizziness and, this time, a shock of pain. He hissed and told himself to stop doing that. 

“try not to move, okay?”

“‘M not dyin’.” he said stubbornly. He wouldn’t let it be true. 

His stunned laughter was short and half-sobbed. “just shut up and let me work.”

Then Rus’ hands were on him, and he couldn’t complain anymore. His touch was still familiar after all those months. 

“sorry if this hurts,” he said softly through his tears. 

A soft green glow lit up around them, and at first it was only uncomfortably warm. Slowly, haltingly, that heat became unbearably hot, and it only kept getting worse. His jaw clenched shut against a wail of agony while he tried to breathe through it. He found himself holding his breath and closing his sockets tightly. He refused to scream. He wasn’t weak. He was Captain of the Royal Fucking Guard; he could handle the pain. 

When the glow of healing magic faded and Rus sat back panting, Edge expected the pain to go as well. It didn’t. It stayed as constant as his brother’s annoying puns, running with infuriating steadiness from the middle of his ribcage to the tips of his toes. 

“you gotta breathe, edge,” Rus said, grabbing hold of his hand. “i know it hurts, but you have to breathe.”

He sucked in a breath only to let it out with a horrified whine. His rib cage on fire and just trying to breathe only made it worse. 

“What…” Edge clenched his jaw and took small, shallow breaths for a second to regain his composure before he tried to speak again. “What’s wrong with me?”

Rus squeezed his hand gently and rubbed the back of his with his cheekbone. Edge couldn’t tell if his hesitation was because he didn’t want to say it out loud or simply needed to calm down first. 

“your ribs on the left side are shattered,” he managed through a watery tone. “your spine was broken, i think. i got some’a the vertebrae back together. you’re fucking lucky you didn’t get here in two pieces. your hp is still dropping. not as fast, though, so i think i did some good. edge...what the hell happened?”

He managed to check himself, and his soul sank at the sight of his own stats. His HP was less than a quarter of its potential, and as he watched, it ticked down another two digits.

Closing his eyes, he sucked in a few small breaths before he could answer. 

“Muffet and Grillby had been working together to try to change some of the King’s laws regarding drugs and trafficking. It was a frail partnership to begin with, but something snapped between them yesterday. I was doing my job, trying to calm the violence. Red was with me, I don’t remember why. Someone changed their attack right before firing, aimed at us. I tried to protect Red. Is he okay?”

Rus nodded. “he’s as okay as he’s going to get. he’s trying to find blue so we can try to get your hp up.” 

Edge didn’t dare nod his understanding. Instead, he squeezed Rus’ hand. Breathing hurt. His vision was still blurry and his entire body felt as if he’d been through a bone grinder. He was so tired.

As his sockets began slipping shut, Rus leaned forward and shook his hand too hard. 

“don’t you dare go to sleep!” he cried out, too loud. 

Edge winced and tried to pull away, only to cry out at the pain the movement caused. 

“sorry!” Rus sputtered, his voice nearly a whisper. “sorry, i just panicked.” 

“‘Sokay,” Edge said in reply. “”M okay.”

“you’re not okay. can i get you anything? a blanket? pillow?” 

Remembering at the last second not to shake his head, Edge looked at Rus and smiled as best he could. “I just need you.” The words slipped free without his permission, and he scowled. “Sorry. You don’t gotta stay.” 

Rus laughed that sobbing laugh again and scooted closer, this time pressing a kiss to the back of Edge’s hand. “i’m not going anywhere.”

So many questions fluttered through Edge’s head as he watched Rus watch him. He wanted to know why Rus hadn’t ever returned his calls. What had he been doing these past six months? How was he holding up, physically and emotionally? He wanted to apologize for his brother bringing him here, but he couldn’t. Not when his HP kept dropping, to the point now that Edge could feel each decimal tick lower. If he was truly dying, then he was happy he was able to see Rus one last time. 

Rus tried again to heal him, and this time Edge couldn’t hold back a cry of pain. He called out for Red, but there was no response. He cursed as he remembered that Red had gone to Undertale to try to find Blue. He was crying, a steady stream of tears leaking from his sockets, as Edge tugged weakly on his arm, urging him to get closer. 

“Need to tell you something,” he said hoarsely. “Something important.”

Rus nodded. “what is it?”

“Don’t think I ever told you before. Need you to know, your life was my life’s best part.” He couldn’t leave with Rus knowing how much he was loved. “I’m so sorry. I hurt--”

“no,” Rus said sternly. “no, you don’t get to apologize to me like it’s the last thing you’re ever gonna say. i’m the one who needs to be sorry. i let my stupid fucking pride get in the way, and by the time i realized what had really happened, i was too scared to call you back. i was so sure you’d moved on, that you’d just laugh at me if i called. i should have let you explain, and i didn’t, and because of me we missed out on six months. we could have been loving each other this whole time, and instead i was too fucking scared!” He sobbed then, leaning his forehead down gently on Edge’s shoulder. 

Edge reached over with his free hand to hold the back of Rus’ skull in a weak attempt at a hug. 

“Shh, Rus. It’s okay. I forgive you.” How could he not? Hadn’t he given up after only a month of calling and leaving voicemails? He should never have stopped trying to win back his love. “I love you.”

Rus sobbed again, nodding frantically. “i love you, too. please, edge. please stay. i love you so much.”

As much as he wanted to pull Rus down next to him and hold him tightly, his bones refused to cooperate. He had no strength left to squeeze Rus’ hand, let alone pull him anywhere. His side and legs hurt, though the pain was finally beginning to dull. 

“Can I ask for one thing?” he said, his voice barely a whisper.

“anything,” Rus said, sitting up to meet Edge’s eye lights. 

“Can I have a kiss? Just one. It’s okay if you--”

Rus’ mouth over his stole his words. He was gentle, careful of Edge’s pain, but he could feel all of the intent, the love, he poured into it. 

When he pulled back, Edge smiled softly. “Thank you.”

His sockets slipped closed briefly. He managed to blink them open a few times as Rus pleaded with him to stay awake. Red would be back any moment with Blue, and Edge would be healed. He was going to be okay, he just needed to stay awake. 

Oh, but sleep was calling him with a siren’s song, and it was so hard to resist.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of this gets rough, guys. Detailed warnings in the end notes. I've tagged for graphic violence because of this chapter. It's not exactly violence, but it is graphic.

The front door swung open with a loud  _ BANG  _ as it hit the wall. Edge felt Rus startle beside him, was dragged back to consciousness, and he managed to open a socket enough to see what looked like two thin snowmen in the room with them. 

“thank fuck ‘e ain’t dead yet.” 

It was his brother’s voice, he was sure of it. 

Rus was pulled away from him. As hard as he tried to hold onto him, he simply didn’t have the strength. 

Then suddenly, another pair of hands was on him with the hot green of healing magic being pushed into his soul. Pain from earlier started to come back. Edge didn’t have the strength to hold back a cry of pain. 

“I know it hurts, but you’re doing great,” Blue said beside him. “Just let it in, okay? Don’t fight it.”

Edge wasn’t in any shape to fight anything. He reached out blindly for Rus’ hand again. The one that met him was small and sharp, his brother’s hand. He tried to squeeze, managed something, and both of Red’s hands curled around his. 

“you’re gonna be fine, bro,” Red said, squeezing his hand. “don’t you fuckin’ die on me. you ain’t allowed.”

Through another cry that he couldn’t contain, he managed to nod an answer to Red. He was doing his best, but his damn HP wasn’t responding. It had held on longer than Edge thought he had any right to hope for, long enough now to not only tell Rus that he was loved but also see his brother one last time. He didn’t want to die, but how long could he reasonably expect his HP to last?

Blue pulled back and the influx of magic fell away, leaving Edge feeling nothing but the awful burn of his HP. 

An attempt to check himself stung too much to carry through. He was able to move his hand enough to get Red’s attention, tried to look up at him in hopes of asking him to perform the check. The movement was too much. He hissed in pain. 

“Don’t move, Edge,” Blue scolded. “You’re going to be in a lot of pain for a little longer. I think I can get your HP up enough to stabilize, but I need to recharge for a second. Just hang in there, okay?”

His answer was nothing more than a whimper. He tried to look for Rus, wanted to hold his hand again. 

“rus,” Red said with a bark, “get yer ass back over ‘ere.”

Rus was behind the couch then, in the small space between it and the wall that Blue always left to make cleaning easier. “i’m right here,” he said softly, resting a hand on Edge’s shoulder. 

Edge managed to reach up with his free hand to grab at Rus’. 

Then Blue’s hands were back on him and pain returned. 

How many times the cycle repeated, Edge didn’t know. It seemed to last forever, no end to the torment. He’d been tortured before, held by the King’s rivals who wanted information. Even then, the pain would stop for short periods as his captors took breaks.

This was worse than any torture he’d experienced. This was soul-deep. He could feel it throughout his entire being as his HP struggled to stay up. 

“Okay, I think that’s as much as I can do right now,” Blue said. 

Edge opened his eyes to see Blue stand. He was surprised by the amount of red that covered the front of his shirt. 

“What happened?” he asked, doing his best to gesture to Blue. 

Blue looked down at himself, then glanced at Red before looking back at Edge. “This is from you, Edge.” 

Oh. Of course. He was badly injured, of course he was bleeding marrow everywhere. A closer look at Rus revealed that his sweater was stained with it as well. He’d probably gotten it all over the couch and the carpet. Fuck. He was making a mess Blue was going to have to clean up. 

“I’m sorry,” he managed. 

A strangled laugh caught his attention, and he looked up at Rus again. He leaned down far enough to press a gentle kiss to Edge’s forehead. 

“don’t know why that surprised me. of course you’re sorry for making a mess. don’t worry about it, okay? we can handle it.”

Red squeezed his hand, and Edge was surprised to find he had the strength to squeeze back. 

“you’re gonna be fine, bro. blue got yer hp stabilized.” He turned his attention to Blue. “c’n he have anythin’ for th’pain?”

Blue nodded. “That would be a good idea before we start bandaging him up. Papy, would you come help me gather some supplies?”

Rus squeezed Edge’s hand and kissed the backs of his knuckles before he shifted out from behind the couch and followed Blue down the hall. 

Red sighed heavily and moved to sit on the floor in front of Edge. He still held his hand gently between both of his own, his sharp thumb carefully rubbing his bones. “you gave me a hell of a fuckin’ scare, bro, y’know that? but you’re gonna be okay, an’ i guess that’s what matters.” 

“Thank you, Brother,” Edge said softly. He could breathe a fraction better than he could before, but he still felt like he was on fire. He wasn’t looking forward to what Blue was going to have to do to bandage him. He still hadn’t been able to see his own injuries, but if they looked even half as bad as they felt, sitting up to wrap his ribs was going to be a special brand of hell. He swallowed against the fear and blinked away new tears. “Will you stay with me? While they…” He sucked in as deep a breath as he could. Red might get angry with him for showing this kind of weakness, but he just couldn’t do this alone. “While they put the bandages on?”

Red turned to look at him, a strange sort of emotion Edge had never seen on him before shining in his sockets. “i ain’t goin’ nowhere. but bro? you ain’t gonna feel it like you’re feelin’ it now. blue’s gonna give ya somethin’ ta help.”

Edge nodded as best he could. It didn’t bring a wave of dizziness like it had before, and for that he was grateful. “Thank you.”

“don’t gotta thank me fer nothin’.”

Red was wrong, but Edge wasn’t going to argue with him. 

When Rus and Blue came back, Blue was carrying a stack of supplies while Rus had been charged with carrying a large bowl of steaming water. He set the bowl down carefully on the coffee table that had been pushed haphazardly out of the way before dragging it closer. 

Blue set down his supplies and gently shooed Red out of his way. The first thing he picked up was a syringe full of a glowing blue liquid. 

“This is something to help with your pain,” he explained. “Your HP has been restored enough that I think it’s safe for you to go to sleep, and this will help you do that. I do have to inject it into your soul, however, and that will hurt.” 

Edge nodded again. He could handle it if it meant a respite from the rest of his misery.

“Red, will you pull out his soul, please? Hold it steady?” 

Edge’s body jerked involuntarily as his soul was summoned from his chest. He cried out in pain from the movement and looked up when Rus took his hand. He was smiling sadly down at him from behind the couch, his sockets leaking soft orange tears. 

“you’re gonna be okay,” he said quietly. 

Then suddenly his entire being exploded in agony. He screamed out, his body trying to physically recoil from what was happening to his soul. He’d been through this before, had things injected into his soul before, but it was nothing like this. This was a new kind of torture. 

He could hear himself sobbing as the worst of the sting withdrew. His bones were trembling and he couldn't make them stop. For a moment, he truly wished that he had just died. 

And then the pain began to die away. Was he getting his wish? Was he finally dying? He clasped tightly at both Red’s and Rus’ hands. His coordination was shit and his strength was dwindling.

“it’s okay, edge,” Rus seemed to say from somewhere far away. “let it work. let yourself sleep.”

Sleep. Yes. He’d talked to his brother, he’d made up with Rus, and he’d been able to see Blue one last time. Distantly, he thought about Sans and Papyrus. Wherever they were, he hoped they were okay. It would have been nice to see them again, to cook one final meal with Papyrus or play a final game of chess with Sans. 

Before he could have time to regret not doing those things, the pain was gone and he fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

It didn’t matter what had happened in his life or what might happen in the future. Red knew, without a doubt, that he would never see anything as horrifying as his brother actually fucking  _ sobbing  _ in pain. 

Edge was tough. He was strong in a way that Red would never be, and he had no idea how the asshole had gotten that way. He’d been so tiny when he was born, placed in Red’s arms by an irritated father who seemed too disgruntled by the idea of helping his wife clean up that he couldn’t appreciate the miracle that was Edge. That was okay, because Red could appreciate him enough for all three of them. 

Less than two years later, Red was on his own with the runt, only now the runt was mobile and Red had a hell of a time keeping up with him. He’d done his best to teach Edge about the underground, how to navigate not only the caves themselves but the people within them. It was a kill or be killed world, and that was a fact. The only way to stay alive was to know what people wanted and how to get it. 

Edge had somehow grown up with this idea that he could make the place better if he could join the Royal Guard. Red had encouraged him. Maybe his reasons were a bit selfish--having a bro in the Guard meant a thin slice of safety and a steady income--but no one could say he wasn’t supportive. He did have to help remind his bro what the real world was like, just to make sure he didn’t walk into a fucking trap or get himself killed expecting the other side to have the same manners he did. 

Maybe Red had been a bit too strict when it came to teaching Edge his pleases and thank yous. 

Regardless of whatever mistakes Red may have made along the way, Edge had managed to grow into the person he was, and Red couldn’t be more proud of him. He was strong to the point of unbreakable, hard and unmovable with the law when he needed to be, but he could also soften up enough to calm kids’ fears and teach people how to mend clothes or cook simple but filling meals. 

Why the fuck did it have to be Edge who got hurt? 

“Red? Can you help for a second, please?”

Blue’s request brought him from his thoughts. Red nodded and gently set his brother’s limp hand at his side before asking what he could do. He followed Blue’s instructions as they all worked together to get him undressed, cleaned, and bandaged. The left side of his rib cage was still a mess of shattered bone, but thankfully the layer of magic that coated every bone was thick enough to keep the shards from falling to dust. It would take time for the bones to realign themselves, and Red could only hope they managed enough to keep something of a rib shape. 

Rus brought down a pair of his clean pajamas and the three of them worked together to carefully dress Edge again. Once he was dressed, they moved him up to Blue’s bed. 

“For the time being, we’ll keep him in here,” Blue said, looking truly exhausted. “We’ll set up a place on the floor for you tonight, Red, and I’ll stay in Papy’s room with him. Is that okay, Papy?”

Rus nodded numbly, still holding Edge’s hand. “yeah, that’s fine, bro.”

Red stayed in the room with Edge to watch him as the others went about getting stuff set up. They had an inflatable mattress that Rus had found in the dump one day and patched up, so they put it in the room and Blue took the time to make it up with sheets and blankets and even a few extra pillows. 

Not that Red would be sleeping much tonight. He’d be keeping an eye on Edge, making damn sure the fucker didn’t get any worse. 

After a moment of silence, Red jerked at the sound of a knock on the door. He turned to see Blue standing there holding a small pile of clothes. He’d already showered and changed into comfortable-looking pajamas.

“I figured you may want to change. They’ll probably be a little small, but they’re clean. There’s plenty of hot water for a shower.” 

Red considered that for a second. He’d have to leave his bro, but he could trust Blue or Rus to keep watch for a few minutes. It would probably be a good idea to clean up anyway; as it was he’d get dirt and marrow all over Blue’s clean sheets if he were to lay in that makeshift bed. 

“yeah, okay,” he mumbled. “will you, uh, stay with ‘im for a minute?”

Blue nodded as he handed the clothes over. “I’d be happy to.”

In the bathroom, Red peeled his clothes off, grimacing at the way they stuck to his bones. He let them fall in a heap on the floor and started up the shower, stepping under the hot spray with a sigh. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about earlier as he methodically cleaned himself. He’d felt the shift of intent at the same moment that Edge grabbed him. He couldn’t have picked a worse time to panic. He should have been able to teleport him and Edge out of there before the blast even hit them, but he hadn’t. Something had caught his attention, but he couldn’t say now what it was. It was fucking terrifying, that was all he could remember. 

Hitting the ground was what had jolted him back to sanity. He’d scrambled for a destination, anywhere other than  _ there _ , and the moment his mind settled on something, he went. It had taken another moment to calm down enough to realize that Edge was badly hurt. And once that realization finally kicked in, all he could think of was getting him to Blue. 

Papyrus was a great healer in his own right, but Blue was a master. Red was sure there were probably other expert healers, but he didn’t have time to seek any of them out. He needed to get his brother to Blue. 

Forcing his thoughts back to the present, Red cut off the shower and shook himself before stepping out and drying off. He took an inventory of his wounds, all minor cuts, scrapes, and bruises. 

The clothes were a bit small, but they fit regardless. Once dressed, he grimaced at his pile of filthy clothes and decided to ask Blue what he wanted done with them before he touched them again. 

“I’ll wash them for you,” Blue said with a smile. “You have enough to worry about.” He looked pointedly at Edge, still motionless on the bed. Even unconscious, it was easy to see he was struggling to breathe because of his ribs. 

Red nodded. “thanks.”

“Of course.” Blue reached out and gently squeezed his arm. “Thank you for coming to us.” And then he left. 

Red sighed and got himself into the little bed on the floor. He didn’t like the angle; he could still see Edge, but not enough of him. He grunted and sat up, looking around the room. 

Blue’s desk had a decent-looking chair pushed up under it, and Red got up to pull it over to the bed. He stripped the blanket off the little bed and wrapped it around himself before settling into the chair. It was a much better angle. He wasn’t sleeping anytime soon, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Edge is in extreme amounts of pain, mentions of past torture, Blue has to inject some pain killers directly into Edge's soul, he thinks he can handle it but he really can't, mentions of blood (marrow).
> 
> Also, just because I haven't said this in a while, I'm on Tumblr and Twitter, sheewolf85


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to all and to all some good angst!!
> 
> Happy Christmakwanzuka!
> 
> Happy Holidays! 
> 
> Bah Humbug!
> 
> Take your pick and all that jazz. I hope you all enjoy the chapter!

It wasn’t the longest night Red had ever endured. It was down a few, maybe the fifth or sixth longest. Somewhere in between the first night on their own as kids and trying to keep a sick teen Edge from making too much noise and getting them both killed. All he could think about was what was going to happen when Edge woke up. 

There were a few possibilities. One, he could get pissed at Red for bringing him here. Yeah, he could deal with that, no sweat. Two, he could  _ thank  _ Red for bringing him here. Might be weird, but yeah, he could deal. Three, he could straight up demand to go back to Underfell to see how “his people” were doing. 

That was the one he couldn’t deal with. Not before Edge was healed, and sure as fuck not before Red knew what was happening over there. He’d been trying to think of a way to get Edge to agree to leave that godforsaken place for ages and nothing he came up with would work. Some he didn’t even try because he knew it was useless. 

He came to the conclusion that he’d have to go back by himself and get an idea of what Edge was going to be getting himself into. He’d have to go soon, before Edge woke up and could stress himself out trying to stop Red. 

Fuck, but he was tired. And sore. Edge took most of the damage, leaving Red with only bruises and scrapes. He’d had worse, for sure, but worrying about his brother had taken a toll on him.

He was still awake when Blue poked his head in the next morning. He smiled tiredly, probably still drained from using so much damn energy on healing. 

“Good morning, Red,” he said softly. “How is he?”

Red shrugged. “hasn’t moved ‘cept ta breathe.” 

Blue nodded. “And how are you? Did you sleep?”

“‘m fine.” He didn’t answer the other question. Didn’t want Blue to worry over him when he had enough on his plate already. “what’s fer breakfast?”

“There’s cereal in the cupboard and plenty of milk.”

Touché.

“think i’ll wait a bit.”

Blue frowned. “You really should take better care of yourself, Red,” he scolded. “You know you’re going to need your strength to deal with your brother as he continues to heal.” 

Red narrowed his sockets. He knew damn good and well that Edge could be a very special asshole when he wasn’t feeling well, but did Blue really need to make a good point like that? “You might be right, but watch it.”

Blue shrugged, unphased. “I’m going to check on Papy.”

Red fought the urge to stick his tongue out like a damn toddler. Instead, he sucked in a deep breath and settled in to keep watch over his bro until Rus was ready to take over. 

* * *

“how’s he doing?” 

Rus’ soft voice was startling in the silence of the room, and Red snapped to attention. He hadn’t been falling asleep. He hadn’t, dammit.

Red shook himself a bit and sat up straighter. “hey, been waitin’ for ya. wanna sit an’ watch the show for a bit?” He gestured to Edge on the bed. 

Rus nodded and stepped in. “yeah, sure. you finally gonna get some rest?”

“fuck no. ain’t no time for that. i gotta go find out what the fuck’s goin’ on back home ‘fore he wakes up an’ asks.” Red stood up and stretched his bones, a few joints popping in the process. 

As he made his way toward the door, Rus stepped in front of it and folded his arms across his chest. Red glared up at him. 

“you know i c’n jus’ teleport ‘round you, right?” Red asked, preparing to do just that. 

“you know i can just follow you right into underfell, right?” Rus replied, using the same tone Red had. 

“it’d be suicide, but sure.” Red shrugged, moving to step around the mountain that was Rus. 

Rus stepped to the side to block him. “red, it’s suicide for  _ you  _ to go.” 

Red growled, preparing to shove the fucker aside or even just do as he’d threatened and teleport directly to the basement. 

“i’m not telling you not to go,” Rus said, softer this time. Red narrowed his sockets doubtfully. “i’m saying don’t go  _ yet _ . sleep for an hour or two at least and eat something, get some of your strength back. i get you’re worried about him going back, but how likely do you think it’d be for him to stay put if he wakes up and you’re gone?” 

Fuck. Red sighed. “i won’t be gone that long.”

“if you live, no. if you get killed?” Rus still stood in front of him, staring down at him with that stupid grin on his face. “you brought him to us to help him. don’t piss on that by getting him killed looking for your dust.”

“couldn’t piss if i tried,” Red grumbled. “fuck, fine, i’ll take a fuckin’ nap. y’happy?”

Rus shrugged and walked over to the chair. He tossed the blanket at Red before he sat down. “can’t say i’m happy, but i’ll take what i can get.”

Red rolled his eye lights and got into the bed, pulling the sheet and haphazardly tossed blanket over himself. He trusted Rus, of course he did. Thanks to Rus, his brother hadn’t dusted while Red was out hunting Blue down. 

Oh, but what Red wouldn’t give to see what the hell had happened while he was gone. Edge and Rus had once been inseparable. They were sickening lovebirds, always kissing and holding each other like they just couldn’t get enough.

Red knew what had happened to the relationship. He’d tried to tell Edge it would happen one day. Rus was damn smart but he could be pretty fucking stupid sometimes, especially when it came to how Underfell operated. He’d seen how hard it hit Edge. His brother had shut himself in his room for a week, not even going to work for two full days. Red had wanted to hunt Rus down and just fucking dust him for what he’d put Edge through, but he knew Edge would never forgive him for it. 

Red hadn’t considered Rus when he’d made the decision to bring Edge to Blue. He was still damn grateful Rus was home and sober when they’d gotten there, though, because he wasn’t sure what he’d have done if there was no one to shove a bit of healing into his brother. 

He hadn’t expected much of a happy reunion. He’d honestly expected Rus to fight back more than he did, but to see them holding hands and Rus huddled down on the floor next to him when they got back was a bit surprising. 

Moreso now that Red had a chance to actually think about it. Rus had been supportive, caring even. He’d kissed Edge’s forehead and his hand. 

Maybe they’d made up? Red didn’t want to care, but he also couldn’t keep himself from hoping that when his brother woke up, he could find something like happiness again.

Well, it wasn’t Red’s business, and he could wait for answers. Right now, he needed to rest so he had the strength to survive a trip back home.

* * *

When he woke up, it was with a start. He couldn’t tell how long he’d been out, and Rus’ voice carrying softly across the room was enough to make him panic. Had Edge woken up? He sat up and quickly turned to see Rus still sitting in the chair beside the bed with a book in his lap. 

“what are you doing? is he awake?”

Rus looked at him and shook his head. “no, but i was bored so i’m reading to him. i need to pretend he can hear me.”

Yeah, okay, that wasn’t syrupy sweet or anything. Red cracked a grin and stood up to stretch. “whatcha readin’?”

Rus held it up so Red could see it as he kept reading. It was a guide to creating puzzles. 

“didn’t know ya were inta that,” Red said.

“i’m not, but you know your brother is. he’d talked about borrowing this book before...y’know.” Rus had the sense to look guilty.

“yeah, before you up and left.”

Rus’ flinch felt good, but Red decided not to push it. He didn’t want to undo whatever progress they’d made the night before. 

“well, guess ‘m gonna go find some grub ‘n get ready. you still good with ‘im?” He gestured to his brother on the bed. 

Rus nodded. “of course. and red?”

Red turned to look at him. Rus set the book in his lap and met his eye lights with a hard warning in his. “be careful, will you? he needs you to come back.”

Red sucked in a breath and clenched his teeth against a scathing comeback. His brother didn’t need him, not anymore when he had both Rus and Blue. But fuck if Red didn’t need to make sure Edge was going to be okay. 

“i’ll do my best,” he offered, then turned and left the room. 

Just as Blue had said earlier, there was cold cereal in the cupboard and plenty of milk. Red ate two bowls of some sugary sweet flakes before grumbling to himself as he rinsed out the bowl in the sink. 

He made his way back upstairs to Rus’ room where he found Blue folding laundry. The room had been cleared of all its clutter and dirty clothes. Red suspected Blue had done most of that this morning instead of going to work. 

“you got my clothes washed yet?” Red asked, leaning against the door jamb. 

Blue looked up and smiled tiredly at him. “I’m so sorry, Red, I thought I’d have more time. Do you need them now? I can throw them in the washer and they’ll be--”

Red pushed away and held out a hand, shaking his head. “not necessary. they might be gross, but they’ll smell more like me if i just wear ‘em now. it’d probably be better that way anyway.”

Blue’s brow bones furrowed as his head tilted to the side. “Better for what?”

“‘m goin’ back home for a bit.” 

The shock and fear on Blue’s face probably should have been funny, but Red could only feel a small twinge of guilt. 

“Why would you do that?” Blue demanded, standing up and actually letting the shirt in his hand drop to the floor. “You’re extremely lucky you didn’t get badly injured as well; are you trying to change that?”

Red had to admire Blue’s spunk; he’d never been afraid to tell either Red or Edge how he felt. 

“i’m tryin’ to make sure i know what my bro’s gonna be walkin’ back into when he heals up. you know he ain’t gonna sit and stay like a good boy.” 

Blue sighed and sat heavily on the edge of the bed. “You’re right. He will be very eager to check on his home as soon as he’s able. Can I come with you?”

“nope. i’m goin’ alone, blue. ‘m gonna be lucky to get in an’ out on my own; i don’t need to be babysittin’ anyone along the way.” He could only imagine having to try to keep Blue out of trouble, and the thought made him shiver. He wouldn’t let even a chance of what happened to Edge happen to any of his friends.

“But you wouldn’t have to babysit me! I can--”

“the answer’s no, kiddo,” Red said, his voice hard. “don’ push it.”

Blue sighed. “Fine. Fine, but you had better keep your phone on you and send updates so we know you’re okay!” He did not look happy about this. “Your clothes are downstairs in the laundry room.” 

Red nodded and teleported down to get changed. 

He wouldn’t admit he was glad he’d let Rus talk him into sleeping a bit and eating before leaving. He was feeling much better than he had last night. A good number of his bruises and scrapes had healed themselves. He grimaced as he slipped on his dirty clothes. Dried marrow didn’t show up on black, but he could sure as fuck feel it. 

As soon as he was dressed, he made sure he had what he needed and teleported to the basement. He shivered at the sight of red splotches all over the floor. His bro was going to be fine, and he needed to stop thinking about what ifs.

He fired up the machine and punched in his coordinates. 

Stepping through the portal, Red quickly shut everything down to keep it from making too much noise. He looked around the basement and confirmed that nobody had been down there yet. He checked the far corner and nodded to himself; all of his supplies were still right where he’d left them. 

He pointedly ignored the large red stain on the floor, squared his shoulders in an attempt to prepare himself for whatever he was going to find, and walked out the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Twitter and Tumblr! I reblog and retweet fun stuff, and occasionally, once in a while, I post updates. It's kinda fun. Come join me? Sheewolf85 on both platforms.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't miss anything. I understand the beginning of this chapter might be confusing, but I have my reasons for writing it this way.

Red closed his eyes, panting as quietly as he could, as he rested against the cold wall of his basement. He held a small bundle of items in his arms and clutched them tightly. There wasn’t much Edge would be upset to lose, but he’d lost enough in his life already. Red hoped he’d gotten what Edge would get if he could pack things himself. 

He didn’t have time for this bullshit. He pushed away from the wall and hurried over to the desk where a few empty boxes sat atop it. He dropped what was in his arms into a box and scrambled up a few of his tools and various items he couldn’t lose. 

It was stupid. They’d moved into this house with absolutely nothing but the clothes on their backs and a few pieces of gold. Red had made a point to tell Edge over and over not to get attached to things as they accumulated it. It was all stuff; as long as they had their lives, they could always get more stuff. And yet, here he was, time running out and he’s being picky about toys. 

With a growl, he shoved himself away from the table. Setting the box on the ground near the machine, he ran over to the far corner. He was going to have to be quick about this. Before he got started, he pulled out his phone and sent a text to Rus.

**_Red:_ ** _ get blue to watch my bro and meet me in the basement in nine minutes. _

He shoved his phone back in his pocket and pulled back the heavy blanket that covered his stash of explosives. He never thought he’d need to do this, but he was damn fucking happy he’d prepared for it anyway. He carefully pulled out two sticks and checked them over. He’d treated the blanket so it would keep any leaks or melting snow from tainting the items underneath it, and it had worked well enough. 

His phone chimed as he started digging through to get what he really needed. 

“fuck,” he grumbled to himself. He took a second to look at it. 

**_Rus:_ ** _ everything okay? _

Dammit, he didn’t have time for this!

**_Red:_ ** _ no, now shut up and do what i said. _

Instead of pocketing the phone, he tossed it toward the box with the rest of the stuff he was taking. It clattered to the floor just to the side of it. He couldn’t fucking care if it broke; he could get a new one in Underswap if he needed. 

Getting back to work, Red dug through the box of explosives and pulled out what he was after. Taking a moment to press the two charges to opposite walls, he set them for ten minutes. It should give him enough time. He then taped two long sticks to either side of the machine before turning it on and setting his coordinates. 

Edge was going to be furious. 

He couldn’t think about that. Not right now. 

With a deep breath, he made sure to grab his phone and dropped it in the box with his stuff before picking it up. 

As if it knew what was going to happen, the machine let out a harsh, discordant error noise. Red growled and kicked it hard enough to shake its frame. 

“work, you fucker!” he shouted. He quickly punched in Underswap’s coordinates again, and this time it worked. The machine whirred to life and the portal opened. 

He didn’t have time for relief. Stepping through the portal, he saw Rus standing there shifting his weight from side to side and wringing his hands together. 

“red! what’s wrong? what can i--” 

Red shoved the box at him. “hold this,” he barked, not giving Rus a choice. He turned and started turning off the machine, flicking switches to make sure it was completely offline. 

“red, what are you--”

“just shut up!” Red snapped. “give me a sec, okay?” He flicked the final switch, expecting the machine to go dark. 

It didn’t.

“what the fuck?” He flicked it a few more times then turned to Rus. “it’s not turning off; we need it turned off, right the fuck now!”

“uh, yeah, there’s a…” Rus blinked a few times and shook his head. “there’s a failsafe when another machine is connected to it so someone doesn’t get lost in the void.” 

That was actually impressive. 

Fuck, not now!

“well, turn it off!” Red yelled. “mine’s set to blow; don’t think you want that shit here.”

“set to blow? what the fuck?” But Rus was already at the back opening the panel. “what are you doing, red?”

“savin’ our lives. what do i need to do?”

The machine suddenly went dark, the portal disappearing into blackness and the whir of electricity fading into silence.

Rus stood up and held out the power cord. “nothing, apparently. how long do we need to wait?” 

Red thought about that for a second; he’d been keeping count in his head. “thirty seconds.” That was too damn close.

“okay. wanna tell me what the hell is going on?”

Now that he was out of danger, Red could let himself relax just a little. “underfell is a war zone. we ain’t goin’ back, not ever. didn’t wanna risk anyone else gettin’ their hands on the machine, so i blew it up.”

Rus nodded, his face scrunched in confusion. “hasn’t it always been a war zone?”

Red grinned dangerously. “nah, see, the underfell you knew was a comfy cozy paradise. what i just saw was hell.”

Rus flinched. “fuck. that bad?” 

“you think i’d blow my chances of goin’ back if it wasn’t?” Damn. That pun wasn't even intentional.

A shrug was his only answer. That was fine.

“we ain’t tellin’ my bro yet,” Red said, a hint of threat in his voice. “not ‘til he’s healed ‘nough to handle it.”

Rus sighed. “fine, but if he asks me questions i’m not going to lie to him.”

Yeah, Red could respect that. “you tell ‘im, you deal with ‘im.” 

“fair enough. can i plug this back in now?” Rus brandished the power cord. 

Red huffed something of a laugh. “yeah, sure.” 

He did, and Red watched the machine closely for any sign that it might try to reconnect with Underfell. It powered on, but didn’t make any attempts. Just to make sure, Red punched in the coordinates. 

The machine whirred to life as the screen on the front searched for a connection. 

It suddenly beeped in error. 

_NO RESULTS FOUND_

Thank fuck. Red sighed in relief, then decided it would be best to make sure he hadn’t made Rus fuck up his entire machine. He punched in Sans’ coordinates, and only a moment later the portal began to form. 

“what did you do?” Rus asked, voice slightly shaky. “do you have a second machine somewhere?”

Wouldn’t that be really fucking sucky?

He shut the machine off and turned to Rus. “heh, nah, that was sans’ portal. just makin’ sure.” 

Rus nodded. “okay. can we go back upstairs now? it’s cold down here.” 

Red looked down at Rus’ feet covered only in socks. He was only wearing shorts and a t-shirt, probably what he’d slept in last night. 

“ain’t my fault yer a dumbass.” But he stepped over to his box and picked it up.

“hey, it  _ is  _ your fault i came down here expecting an emergency.” 

They both teleported to the living room. Red set the box down on the coffee table and kept his eye lights off the couch. Blue had cleaned up some, but Red was probably going to have to find some way to afford a new one. 

“that was an emergency, kid,” Red said gravely. “i know someone saw me. don’t know if they followed me, but trust me when i say it was for the best. you don’t want none’a that comin’ over ‘ere.”

Rus nodded. 

“listen, we c’n work out the details later, aight? right now i jus’ need a fuckin’ shower and ta see my bro.”

“yeah, okay.”

Red picked up the box he’d brought and teleported to Blue’s room. 

Blue startled when he appeared. He had already tidied up the bed on the floor and was in mid-step walking from the bookshelf to the window. He’d probably been pacing, trying to find something to do in this room while he kept an eye on Edge. 

Just the fact that he didn’t leave meant a lot to Red. 

“thanks fer stayin’ with ‘im,” Red said, setting the box on the floor. 

“Oh, that’s no trouble at all. How did it go?” 

Red glanced at Edge, thinking of Rus’ words earlier. He didn’t want to take a chance that he could hear what Red wanted to say. Instead, he shrugged. “not real well,” he answered. “it, uh...it ain’t pretty over there.” 

Blue nodded. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he said softly. He sucked in a breath and straightened his shoulders, and immediately Red was tense. That posture usually meant Blue had some hard news to deliver. “We’re going to have to change his bandages,” he said. 

Oh. Well, that was okay. Red nodded. “lemme change, then i c’n help.”

Blue smiled. “Of course. I’ll get Papy to help me get some stuff together.” 

* * *

Rus dutifully helped his brother to gather supplies, doing his best to keep his mind as blank as possible. He looked away as Blue filled a clean syringe with more pain medicine. He wasn’t going to let himself remember Edge screaming in pain, his body thrashing and his grip on Rus’ hand nearly enough to snap his bones. 

He wasn’t going to remember. 

He sniffled and followed Blue silently into his room where Edge lay still and silent on the bed. 

Red was standing by his side, Edge’s limp left hand in his. He looked up when they entered, watching them as Rus set up the little table he’d brought and he and Blue set their things out on it. 

“like hell you’re doin’ that ta him again,” Red growled, his eye lights trained on the syringe. 

Blue sighed. “Red, I know it was painful to see your brother like that. I’m not saying that I know what it was like, because I don’t, only that I know it was hard. But his last dose was much more than eight hours ago, so it’s perfectly fine with his height and mass to have more. I’m going to ask you honestly if you would rather risk him waking up while we’re cleaning and redressing his wounds?”

Red visibly paled at the idea. “no.” 

“Then will you please pull out his soul?”

Rus sucked in a deep breath and watched as Blue went around the bed to be next to Red, closer to Edge’s soul. He stepped a bit closer to the bed and reached out to gently touch Edge’s right hand. 

From what Rus knew, Edge hadn’t moved an inch or made so much as a whimper since Blue last gave him the shot. As Red summoned his soul, however, his body jerked and a dark growl rumbled in his chest. 

Red smirked. “heh. even unconscious, the fucker knows when he’s being messed with.” 

There was so much fondness in that sentence it almost made Rus laugh. 

Edge’s growl died out quickly, and Red held his soul steady. 

Rus looked away, keeping his attention on Edge’s face instead of his soul. He almost regretted it, because it let him catch the pain that flitted across his face. 

“There,” Blue said, recapping the syringe. “Go ahead and put it back and let’s get started."

Together, the three of them managed to check all of Edge’s wounds and clean him up. Blue still wasn’t feeling his best, but he insisted on healing a little bit more. Now that Edge was out of immediate danger of dying, Blue could take it slower. It would be easier on Edge as well if the healing came in increments instead of all at once. 

After Blue was finished, they rechecked Edge’s wounds and rebandaged him. 

Stars, it hurt to look at him. He hadn’t lied the night before when he told Edge he was lucky to have arrived in one piece. His spine was broken in several places, some of his vertebrae had threatened to separate completely. How they managed to stay together was beyond Rus. He could only guess it was Edge’s stubborn nature; he literally willed himself to stay together and live.

Once all of his bandages were in place and he was redressed in a clean pair of Rus’ pajamas, Red went to shower and Blue went to get dinner started. They were all going to have to talk about what Red had done, but it could wait. As far as Rus was concerned, they could just stay with him and Blue. 

He sat in the chair next to the bed and watched Edge’s face for a long moment. Rus didn’t know what to expect when he woke up. Would he even remember anything they’d said the night before? He’d been delirious, that was for certain. Rus was also certain that being on the brink of death did things to a person. Edge may not feel the same when he woke up and realized he was going to live. 

Regardless of what happened, Rus was going to hold on to the memory of Edge saying that he still loved him. He was going to cherish that last kiss. He could hope it wouldn’t actually be the last, but he wasn’t going to expect anything. As they say, hope for the best but prepare for the worst. He needed to prepare his soul for Edge to reject him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will find out what Red saw in Underfell, but not just yet.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's, uh, been a while, yeah? I'm not real sure how "back" I am, but I'm still plugging away, doing my best to keep writing and whatnot. 
> 
> This chapter has a mention of hell and suicide. The beginning bit is a tiny bit rough, but it does get a bit smoother as it goes on. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The first thing Edge was aware of was pain, a pulsing ache that swept through his entire being. He tried to suck in a breath only to hiss it back out as something sharp stabbed the entire left side of his rib cage.

“edge?”

It was Rus’ voice. Familiar fingers wrapped around his left hand and lifted, then a soft kiss from blunt teeth pressed against his metacarpals. 

“oh please wake up,” the voice pleaded. 

A flood of memories washed over him then. He remembered being injured, his brother taking him to Rus and Blue. He remembered telling Rus that he still loved him, kissing him. He remembered pain. 

He grunted in confusion as the final memory of his death flickered to the forefront. If he had died, then what was this? 

Some religious monsters spoke of an afterlife in one of two places. Good monsters went to live with the Angel in a peaceful paradise while bad ones went to a darker place, a place of pain and torture. 

Edge had tried to do good in his life. He’d tried so hard to make the best decisions he could make to help the most people. But that didn’t make him a good monster; he’d done terrible things in the name of peace and safety. He’d killed more than his share of monsters.

Fear settled in his soul as he realized he was in hell. He was going to suffer the pain of his fatal injuries forevermore. And Rus? He already knew that if he opened his eyes, Edge would not see Rus. Maybe there would be nothing there. Maybe there would be a demon that used his voice and touch to further torture Edge with what he could never have again. 

The fingers around his hand squeezed, and Edge couldn’t force himself to keep still. He squeezed back, wanting to pretend for just a moment that Rus was really beside him. 

Rus’ voice gasped, so close Edge felt that he might even be able to touch him if he reached out, to cup that beautiful face in his hands. He didn’t try. He didn’t know what demons looked or felt like, but he wasn’t in a hurry to find out. 

“red!” Rus screamed out. “red! get in here, he’s waking up!”

Red. What was he going to do now that Edge was gone? Was he okay? Edge could only hope that he’d find a purpose with the others. Without his permission, his thoughts took a darker turn. Would Red blame himself for Edge’s death? Would he kill himself with his brother gone? He’d threatened it before, had said that if Edge died, he wouldn’t be far behind.

And what would the impersonating demons do? Would they make him listen to how Red did it? Would they tell him all the gruesome details of his brother’s death? The thought broke him. He felt himself begin to tremble, whimpered at the pain that came along with it.

The pop of a teleportation was confusing. His demons were weirdly accurate with details, down to the stench of his brand of cigarettes. 

Another hand took his right one, this one sharp like Red’s. 

“is he cold?” Rus’ voice asked. “he’s shaking.” Those slender fingers rubbed up his arm to his elbow and back down to his wrist, repeating the movement as if he was trying to warm Edge’s bones. 

“dunno. c’mon, kid, open yer eyes.” Red’s sharpened fingertips dug into Edge’s hand. 

He felt the light sting of a Check wash over him, let it permeate his soul. He couldn’t have fought it even if he wanted to, but for the first time in his life, it was more of a comfort than an annoyance. What use would demons have for Checking souls when they held them clutched in their hands? 

Edge would know his brother’s magic signature anywhere. The blunt force that was his Check often tried to take a person’s HP down a peg despite its inability to do so. 

It could only mean that he wasn’t in hell. These were not demons beside him. He was not dead.

He blinked his sockets open, squinting against the light permeating the room around them. Rus made an odd sound, but before he could look over to see him, Red’s sharp fingers grabbed him by the chin and made him look the other way. 

Red’s expression was scrunched in the same scowl he’d been wearing since he gained his first LV, before he was even out of stripes. Any outsider would only be able to see the anger, the frustration in Red’s features. Edge was no outsider, and he saw the worry laying underneath it all, the terror that Edge may not have woken up after all. 

“how you feelin’, kid?” he asked, more an order than a query. 

Edge took a second to do a mental inventory of his aches and pains. His spine was mostly numb, but he could feel a distant ache hiding underneath the anesthetic. His attempt at moving a leg only got him a sharp electrical jolt starting somewhere around the middle of his spine and shooting out to the tips of his toes and all the way up to the base of his skull. He sucked in a startled breath and clenched his teeth against crying out. 

“i didn’t tell ya ta fuckin’ move, idiot,” Red reprimanded. 

Edge did his best to glare. Red just stared back unimpressed. With a grunt, Edge continued his self-assessment. 

“My ribs and spine are the worst,” he managed to croak. “Can’t move my legs yet.” He flexed both hands, squeezing the ones holding his. “Hands seem okay.”

Red nodded. “what do you remember?”

“Dying.”

Rus made a noise next to him, and Edge managed to pry his chin out of his brother’s hold to look over. He was sitting in a chair, leaning over with his face nearly touching Edge’s hand, pale orange tears leaking from his sockets. He couldn’t help but reach out with two fingers and gently wipe away that wetness. It was futile, quickly replaced by more tears, but the way Rus leaned into his touch made Edge’s soul pulse longingly in his chest. 

“obviously you ain’t dead. what else you remember?” Red asked gruffly.

Edge swallowed and looked back at his brother. “i remember what happened before we came here. I have brief, scattered snippets of memory of you bringing me here. I remember Rus healing me, and then Blue.” He stopped then, his eye lights darting to Rus. Attempting to shift was too painful to even think about, so he only cleared his throat before speaking again. “There was pain, and then I di--I fell asleep.”

Red’s eye lights constricted, a brief moment of something terrible passing over his features before he could control it. Whatever his brother had witnessed, it was obviously still affecting him. Edge couldn’t blame him. This certainly wasn’t the first time they’d played this game, picked up the broken pieces of each other to heal the best they could. He’d huddled over a tired and mangled Red, listened to him swallow his cries of pain if only to keep from being found out by whoever was searching for their dust. 

The shadow that passed over Red’s face spoke of something worse than either of them had experienced before. Edge wasn’t sure he wanted to ask. Not yet, anyway, not with Rus here. 

Rus didn’t need such an upfront view of the things they had to deal with. Edge had tried to protect him from all the evils Underfell had to offer, but in the end it was Underfell that chased him away. Edge would be hard pressed to say he’d forgiven his own angry world for that. 

Bitter as he may be, it didn’t change anything. Of course Rus would accept him into his home when he was dying and do his best to heal him. Of course he would worry over Edge’s recovery. It was just how Rus was; he felt so deeply despite trying hard to keep it from showing. It was why Underfell was bound to drive him away, because Edge couldn’t allow himself to love as profoundly as Rus did. 

He looked back at Rus and stroked his cheekbone again, relishing in the small delight that rose in his soul when Rus once again leaned into his touch. He wished so hard that this could mean they’d be able to get back together, but that would only be an exercise in futility. He’d go home after some recovery, and eventually something would happen to chase him away again. Either that or Rus would get hurt, and Edge didn’t want to risk either possibility. Losing him once was bad enough.

“Rus?” 

His eye lights met Edge’s as he sat up straighter. “yeah? can i get you something? what do you need?”

As much as he wanted Rus by his side, he had things to discuss with Red. He squeezed Rus’ hand gently. 

“I need you to step out for a minute.”

For a brief second, Edge thought he might argue. A flash of misery crossed his face before he could conceal it, and Edge wanted so badly to just wait and talk to Red later. Procrastination wasn’t a skill he’d learned, however, and waiting to talk about the situation in Underfell might well cost lives. 

“yeah, okay, i can do that,” Rus said, his voice shaking even as he tried to inject some of his earlier patience into it. 

Red said nothing as Rus stood, faltered a moment and abandoned a movement to kiss Edge’s hand halfway through. He squeezed Edge’s fingers so very softly, and it seemed he couldn’t let go. Edge took his hand back to try to hurry things along, attempted to rest it on his chest when his ribs sang out in pain. Rus quickly picked his hand up and set it to his side. 

“not there, edge,” he said a touch too roughly. He cleared his throat. 

“get gone, rus,” Red finally grumbled.

Before Edge could even think to say anything about it, Rus nodded guiltily and left the room. 

Edge didn’t let himself dwell on the pain in his soul. The wound from Rus’ absence had never truly healed, and it was a pain he’d likely live with his entire life. This was nothing new and he’d be fine. Instead, he turned his attention to Red. 

“What do we know?”

But Red shook his head. “what we know is you gotta focus on healin’ and gettin’ back on yer feet ‘fore ya start thinkin’ ‘bout home. shit’s bad, but ya already knew that.”

Edge scowled. “I think I deserve to know what’s happening, Red. I know you’ve been home, I know you can tell me how many--”

“you deserve to know?” Red interrupted, a dark expression on his face. “what about me, bro? what do i deserve? ta just forget about my bro fuckin’ dyin’ and draggin’ ‘is ass ‘cross the fuckin’ universe to find someone to heal ‘im? you even gonna thank me for that shit? ‘course ya ain’t, cuz yer more concerned ‘bout what’s goin’ on at home than y’are ‘bout gettin’ better so you can fuckin’ do somethin’ ‘bout it!”

Edge stared silently, not sure what to make of his brother’s outburst. Red wasn’t technically wrong, but never had he given Edge the chance to lay around and heal, much less demanded he do it. How close had he truly come to dying to scare his brother so badly? He fought the shiver threatening at the top of his spine, knowing the pain would be exquisite. 

“Thank you, Brother,” Edge managed instead. 

Red scowled again. “ain’t no big deal. yer awake now and yer gonna be fine. we’ll have a nice chat ‘bout home when it’s time. until then, blue’s gonna play doc an’ yer gonna listen to what he has ta say, got it?”

He did get it, loud and clear. “Yes.”

“good. speakin’a blue, think it’s ‘bout time he got a look at ‘is patient.” 

He sat back a little and shrieked out Blue’s name. Edge winced from the volume and fought back a sigh as the door slammed open, both Blue and Rus barreling in. 

“What is it, what’s wrong? Rus said he’s awake, is he okay?”

Blue was by his side in an instant, checking him over with gentle hands. 

“I’m fine, Blue,” he tried. He couldn’t help but roll his eye lights at the three near identical huffs that followed. “Perhaps ‘fine’ is not entirely accurate, but I’m certainly better than I was before.”

Blue gave him a side eye but nodded regardless. “I’m glad to hear it. How is your pain? And please, Edge, I know the two of you don’t like to admit when you’re not feeling well, but it’s important that you tell me where your pain is and how bad it is, especially in your spine and legs.” 

Edge didn’t even have to look at his brother to see his expression. He could feel the weight of his gaze, assessing his honesty and ready to intercede if he felt Edge wasn’t being truthful about his discomfort. He may not have promised to abide by Blue’s orders, but he may as well have signed a contract in blood. Instead of saying anything about it, he only nodded and began his internal inventory once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone still sticking with this story! You all mean the world to me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a smidge shorter than the rest, but I'm really happy with how it turned out. We haven't heard from Blue yet. Let's fix that.

Blue looked up expectantly when Rus came in. He’d heard him call for Red, that Edge was waking up. He only stayed behind because he knew Edge didn’t like a crowd fussing over him and it was not Blue’s intention to have his first waking moments be those of any more discomfort than they were already bound to be. 

He fully believed Rus would come get him when he could check on Edge. There was no doubt Red wasn’t going to budge from his brother’s side for quite some time. 

To see Rus come in with such forlorn misery on his face was, to say the least, not what Blue had expected. 

“Is everything alright?” he asked. Of course it wasn’t, but how Rus answered the question would tell Blue just how not alright the situation was. 

Rus nodded and plastered a horribly fake smile on his face. It wavered even as he said, “yeah. edge woke up enough to talk.” 

That was good news, but the expression on his brother’s face was not. Blue stood up and went to take Rus’ hand, to lead him to the bed and let him sit. “Papy, what’s wrong?” 

The smile that wasn’t fooling anyone fell and Rus’ chin wobbled. He’d obviously been crying. Perhaps Edge was worse off than any of them could have guessed?

But Rus sucked in a deep, sniffling breath and shook his head. “i told myself to expect this,” he whispered. “he was in so much pain, convinced he was dying. of course he’d say things he wouldn’t mean if he thought he’d live through it.” 

Blue wasn’t sure what he meant. He hadn’t been able to talk to Papy yet about what happened before he and Red made it back to heal Edge. The night before, Blue had all but passed out from exhaustion after Red was settled, and despite feeling much better today, he was still far more tired than he could ever remember being. He had a brief moment to wonder if this was how his brother felt all the time. 

Before he could ask Rus what he meant, Red’s screeching voice echoed through the house. Blue’s soul nearly jumped out through his throat as he ran to the other room, demanding to know what was wrong.

But there didn’t seem to be anything wrong. At least, nothing past the obvious. Edge attempted to claim he was fine, just as Blue should have suspected he might, but he surely wasn’t fooling a single soul.

“How is your pain?” Blue asked. “And please, Edge, I know the two of you don’t like to admit when you’re not feeling well, but it’s important that you tell me where your pain is and how bad it is, especially in your spine and legs.” 

He was concerned about the all too real possibility of paralyzation. He and Edge were more alike than one might assume, and he didn’t need three guesses to know how much being paralyzed would destroy his friend.

Edge took a moment to close his eyes and assess his pain. When he opened his sockets, his eye lights flickered behind Blue briefly before meeting Blue’s again. 

“My ribs are the worst,” he said slowly. “I can breathe, but it hurts. Whatever anesthetic you have working on my spine is doing a wonderful job. I can feel the pain, but it’s distant.” 

Blue blinked and glanced at Red. Did he know? If he did, he made no motion to tell his brother. Blue cleared his throat and nodded. 

“That’s good. Can you move your legs?” 

He must have tried, because only a second later he sucked in a sharp breath followed by a whimper as his face scrunched in pain. He recovered quickly enough.

“No, not yet,” he admitted, nearly panting. “Trying is too painful.”

Blue nodded. It was honestly good news that he could even try, but he was well aware that Edge probably wouldn’t see it that way. “Now, I have to tell you something that could be very distressing.” Another glance at Red gave him no answers. He was only standing next to the bed with Edge’s hand in between both of his, looking for all the world like he’d rather be skewering the people responsible for his brother’s condition. 

Edge frowned, his brow furrowing tightly together. “Okay?”

“The anesthetic I used for you doesn’t only work on your spine. It goes into your soul and affects your whole body. The fact that you’re awake right now and feeling the pain in your ribs tells me that it’s worn off.” Blue stopped for a second and swallowed. He took Edge’s other hand in an effort to soften his next sentence. “You’re not feeling the pain in your spine for a different reason.”

The room was deathly quiet for a few beats, Edge staring up at the ceiling as several emotions crossed his normally stoic features. Confusion, fear, anger. 

“You mean to tell me I’m paralyzed? When will I regain use of my legs?” he demanded. 

Solemnly, Blue shook his head. “I don’t have that answer, Edge. A possibility I’m afraid we’ll have to consider is that you may not walk again for a long time, if ever. Of course that doesn’t mean we’re going to give up or that I won’t continue to work on your injuries. It simply means that the initial damage was quite severe.”

Red scoffed. “my bro doesn’t know how ta give up.” 

Edge only scowled deeper. Blue could only guess at what he might be thinking. 

“I need to let myself rest before I can do anymore intense healing, and at this point that is exactly what you need. I should be fine by tomorrow. In the meantime, you need to rest as well. I do have some oral pain medication you can have. It’s not as potent as the injection, but I don’t think you’ll need that again unless you find it hard to sleep.”

Edge looked at him then, a deeply hidden fear passing through his sockets that made him look so terribly young. “Even if I did need it I wouldn’t accept it. The oral medication will suffice.”

Blue nodded. At least he wasn’t trying to pretend he didn’t need anything at all. Blue was honestly surprised by that, though maybe he shouldn’t have been. Edge’s injuries should have been fatal, even if Red and Rus had both healed him to the best of their abilities before Blue could get to him. 

He set Edge’s hand down and patted the back of it gently. “Let me go get the pills. I’ll be right back.”

He nearly ran right into Papy as he turned, his brother stepping out of his way just in time. Blue couldn’t help but look up at him, concerned about the uncertain yet desperate expression on his face. As he left, he felt Rus at his back. 

“Rus,” Edge called softly. “Please stay.”

Blue didn’t let himself get distracted. He wanted answers, yes, but he wouldn’t sacrifice Edge’s well-being for them. 

He quickly gathered what he needed, the medication he kept stocked up in the cupboard for his patients, a light broth to try to coax Edge into eating something, and a glass of water to take the pills with. 

When he got back, he let Red and Rus help him stack pillows behind Edge’s back to lean him up enough that he could try to swallow some broth. He managed a few sips before he shook his head.

“I can’t,” he said with a scowl. “I already feel nauseous.”

Blue nodded. “It’s best not to force it. At least you were able to get a little in you. It will help with the healing process.” He then got out two pills and held them out. “You should take two with a glass of water every four hours or so,” Blue said as he fussed with the blankets. “Say something if you get cold or too warm, or if the pain gets bad. Please, Edge. Don’t let yourself suffer. None of us wish that for you.”

Edge grimaced but nodded. “I’ll speak up if I need to.”

“damn right ya will, bro. if ya don’t, i will, ‘n’ ya don’t want that.” 

Edge only rolled his eye lights, but Red’s grin softened just a little at the sight of it. He looked at Blue then, and the open gratitude he saw there was surprising. 

“thanks, doc. i’ll make sure yer patient behaves ‘imself.”

Blue nodded. “I know you will. But Red? I’m not a doctor yet.”

Red only waved that away with a dismissive hand. “close enough.”

Once upon a time, Blue would have lectured Red about how being ‘not quite a doctor’ was not close enough to ‘actual doctor’ to mean anything significant. Now, however, he was starting to see what he had meant all those times he’d teased him and how those teases were actual encouragement. 

After some time of training with Alphys and realizing that he just wasn’t cut out for the job of hunting and killing the rare human to fall into the Underground, he’d started training for a different position. It had taken many long, sleepless nights of study and many more hours of actual training to get to where he was, and he might have a long way to go yet, but he had the distinct privilege of providing basic health care services to the residents of Snowdin. He worked under the supervision of Doctor Rutherford, a well respected physician in Waterfall who wasn’t suited to travel into Snowdin. Snowdin didn’t yet have a doctor of their own, which meant until Blue began his training, the residents would have to travel to Dr. Rutherford for their health care. 

At any rate, he had a patient to care for right here in his room, and Edge was already beginning to drowse after taking the medication. 

“I’ll leave you to it.” He glanced at Rus before he left. His brother was sitting in the chair looking for all the world like it was Blue himself in that bed. Soon, he told himself. Soon he would get some answers about what was troubling his Papy so. For now, he needed to follow his own advice and get some rest. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay dudes, it is 3:30 in the am and I wrote this chapter in an insomnia-induced binge, so please forgive any errors or weirdness. I'll maybe make an effort to edit tomorrow if it's bad. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Nobody in their right mind--and very few out of it--would dare accuse Edge of being a good patient. 

Rus had no doubts that he would be the very opposite, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t looking forward to it. Even when Edge got grumpy and demanding (the sheets weren’t smooth enough; the pillow wasn’t high enough; he couldn’t shift to get the right position; he just wanted to sit up, dammit!), Rus found himself remembering him bleeding out on their couch downstairs, being unconscious for two full days, and fearing he wouldn’t wake up. 

Those memories coupled with the guilt he still felt for leaving him in the first place all those months ago made it surprisingly easy to put up with every single whiny demand Edge made. 

Edge had been awake for a week now, and as his body grew stronger, so did his resolve that he would walk again, and soon. Red took it upon himself to make damn sure Edge didn’t try before he could actually move his legs. It was a noble effort that Rus was honestly glad Red had claimed, because Rus wasn’t sure he’d be able to look into Edge’s sockets and actually tell him to stay laying down when he looked so desperate. 

After the first few days, the decision was made to move Edge into Rus’ room. It was cleaner now that it had ever been, and the bed was bigger, able to more comfortably accommodate Edge’s height. 

The only thing Rus could honestly say that he hated about the situation was that he still had to work. He had to leave Edge to go to his sentry station every day and watch for potential humans. It was boring and Rus couldn’t help but spend the long hours worrying about what he’d find when he got home. 

Of course he trusted Red and Blue to watch over Edge. That wasn’t the issue, even if Blue had to leave every day to tend to his own patients in town. The issue was that he couldn't actually  _ see  _ for  _ himself _ that Edge was still doing okay. Or at least okay-ish. He couldn’t make sure Edge took his pain pills and took his naps, couldn’t sit with him while he slept and watch his chest rise and fall in even breaths. 

He supposed if there had to be a silver lining, it was that his absence made coming home all the sweeter when he heard Edge bitching about one thing or another as soon as he walked in the door. His deep snarl over the crackers not being the right ones for the soup he was eating would never fail to bring a smile to Rus’ face. 

Where Rus would probably have given in and brought several different samples of crackers so Edge could choose the right ones, Red’s equally frustrated growl answered instead. 

“eat the fuckin’ crackers or don’ bro, i couldn’t care less.”

Rus took only enough time to hang up his hat and step out of his shoes before he teleported up to his room. 

“honey, i’m home,” he said, mockingly sweet.

Edge sighed and attempted to push himself up higher on the pillows, paying no mind to the tray on his lap that held a bowl of sloshing soup. “Thank fuck,” he grumbled, casting a hard glare at Red. “Get the hell out before we kill each other.”

Red didn’t even give him the compulsory ‘fuck you too’ before he disappeared. 

So it had been a hard day then. 

Rus sighed and took Red’s newly vacant seat next to the bed. “do you want me to get you something different?” he asked as he fidget with his fingers. Despite all the looking after Edge he’d done, he’d made a point to not be in the room alone with him while he was awake. Edge had tried to talk to him a few times, but Rus was too much of a coward to hear what he wanted to say, so he’d been playing his favorite game of avoidance. So far he’d been doing pretty good. 

Edge shook his head and growled low in his chest. “What I want is to go downstairs and get my own damn dinner.”

Rus nodded. “yeah, i bet.” He didn’t try to say that he understood. He learned the hard way that Edge took that at face value, and no, he really did not understand. “might be kind of a dumb question, but can i get you anything?”

“A new spine would be nice,” Edge grumbled. 

Rus smirked. “i’m pretty much an expert scrounger, but that might be hard even for me. anything doable?’

Edge let his head fall back on the pillow and gestured to the tray still in his lap. “Can you please get this thing off of me? I hate that I need it. I should be able to eat at the table like a normal fucking monster.”

Wisely choosing not to comment, Rus instead just moved the tray to the bedside table and frowned at the mushy crackers floating in the soup. He really hoped Edge had gotten some of that in him. 

“I’m sorry.” 

He looked over to see Edge staring at him miserably. “for what?”

“Don’t be an idiot,” he scoffed. “I’m a pain in the ass and I know it. Even my own brother can’t stand me. Not that Red’s patience has ever been anything but hypothetical.” He rolled his eyelights with the statement and sighed. “You don’t deserve this.” 

And this was his cue to get the fuck out, because Edge was about to start talking feelings, and Rus really couldn’t deal yet. His soul pounded painfully in his chest as he stood up. 

“you probably haven’t had enough water today, have you? i should get you some. maybe--” 

“Sit down, Rus,” Edge snapped. “I can’t chase you right now; please don’t make me try.”

Rus sat back down slowly, swallowing as Edge fixed him with a glare like he was making sure Rus wasn’t going to bolt the second he looked away. 

“I’ve been in and out of consciousness now for a week, or so I’ve been told. My days are a blur, a very boring and frustrating blur, but there have been exactly three constants: the three of you checking in on me, my brother redirecting conversations away from home, and you avoiding me. I appreciate all that you and your brother have done for me, I really do. When I’m back on my feet I fully intend to find a way to show it. I’ll corner my brother when it’s time, but right now I’m cornering you. As much as I can, anyway.”

He wasn’t ready for this. 

He could leave, he knew. He could either get up and walk away or he could teleport out, but he didn’t want to hurt Edge like that. He wanted to be able to check on him and talk to him and just fucking be near him, was that too much to ask? He’d fucked up, he knew that, he’d ignored all the glaringly obvious signs that Edge was acting when he’d said those things all those months ago, and he’d made choices based on hurt feelings that shouldn’t have even been an issue if he’d just fucking used his brain for once in his life. 

Edge continued. “I understand that what happened when my brother brought me here was...unpleasant. I also understand that we both said things that we wouldn’t have otherwise said. But Rus, neither of us can pretend that our relationship never happened. We were together, it’s a fact that neither of us can run from. Please stop trying.”

He never wanted to run from that. He wanted it back, so badly, but that was impossible, and he was so stupid to even want it in the first place. He’d given Edge up, pushed him away and hurt him. He didn’t deserve another chance. 

“Rus?”

He nodded and looked up, meeting Edge’s sockets through blurred vision. “no, yeah, you’re right,” he said, reaching up absently to wipe at his face with the sleeve of his hoodie. 

“Are you alright?” Edge reached out to him, grunting in pain when he tried to move too far. 

Rus couldn’t help but take Edge’s hand. “not really, but i’m not the one who’s injured so it doesn’t really matter.”

Edge frowned. “It matters to me. I care about you, Rus, very much. Just because I wouldn’t have said as much if I didn’t think I was dying doesn’t make it any less true. I don’t want to scare you; I would never ask you for something you’re not willing to give. Your comfort is important to me, and as hard as it is to accept, I understand why you’re uncomfortable with me here.” 

Rus shook his head, brow furrowed in confusion. “i’m not uncomfortable with you here.”

“Don’t lie to me like I’m a stupid child,” Edge scowled. “This is the first time in a week you’ve allowed yourself to be alone with me. Even half-paralyzed, you don’t trust me to behave myself, and I don’t blame you for that.”

Oh. 

Oh, fuck, no. 

Rus felt sick as he suddenly realized that he’d misunderstood so much again. He’d assumed things instead of just opening his damn mouth and talking, and in the end it was Edge who was paying the price for it.

“that’s not at all what’s going on,” Rus said in a rush, scooting the chair closer so he could cradle Edge’s hand in both of his. “god, fuck, i’m so sorry, edge.” 

Pulling his hand from Rus’, Edge reached up to wipe at his cheekbones. It was futile; more tears fell from his sockets as he tried and failed to think of the right way to word the thoughts scrambling through his skull. 

“Rus, look at me,” Edge said softly. 

He did, a small whimper escaping at the pain on his face. 

“It’s okay. I’m used to scaring people I’d rather not scare.”

“no, but i’m not scared of you. i’m not. i keep fucking up, making stupid assumptions and then not talking to you. that’s my own damn fault, not yours.” He grabbed Edge’s hand only to nuzzle into his palm. “i love you, so much, but i convinced myself that you had only said you loved me when you were dying because...i don’t know...for some reason. i’ve never died before; i don’t know what goes through someone’s mind. i  _ was _ scared to be alone with you, but not like that! i was scared because i didn’t want to hear you say it was all a misunderstanding and you don’t love me and you want me to stay away from you.”

Edge pulled his hand back, but kept hold of Rus’ fingers. “I could never want that.” He tried to squirm again only to hiss in pain, his face scrunching up. 

Rus was on his feet immediately. “don’t move like that! can i get you anything? do you need another pain pill?”

Settling down with a pained grunt, Edge shook his head. “No, not yet. What I want is…” He sighed and looked up at Rus. “I’ll tell you what I want if you promise to be honest with me.” 

That didn’t sound ominous at all. Rus nodded. “yeah, of course.”

“I’d like to hold you, if that’s okay. Please don’t feel obligated.” 

Rus honestly couldn't think of anything he wanted more, but there was one very obvious detail Edge was overlooking. “how?”

“Past experience has taught us that your bed is big enough for the both of us. Come over here to my right side and lay down--gently.” He patted the bed on his other side where there was more room. 

Rus nodded and walked around the bed to sit gingerly on the side of it. Going slowly to avoid any jarring movements, he laid down on his back next to Edge. “okay, now what?”

Edge reached out his right arm. “Come here.”

Slowly and gingerly, Rus did. He was extra careful to make sure he didn’t touch Edge’s spine or anything on the left side of his rib cage, instead settling his hand on Edge’s shoulder under his head. He sighed contentedly as Edge’s arm wrapped around him. 

“Thank you,” he said softly. “This is nice.”

“it is nice,” Rus agreed. “does this mean we’re going to give this another try?” he asked, his soul suddenly nauseous as he waited for Edge’s answer. 

Edge looked at him for a moment before he pressed a kiss to his forehead. “As much as I want to say yes, I feel like it might be rushing something that’s not ready to be rushed. I love you, and what we had was wonderful, but we were both hurt by what happened. I don’t blame you for it, I need you to know that. I was vague in my warnings about what Underfell is like when I should have given you a better idea of what to expect. I wanted to protect you from that ugliness, and it backfired on me.”

Rus sighed. It was so typical of Edge to take the blame. “that’s not all on you, y’know,” he said softly. “i could have listened to you.”

Edge nodded. “You’re right. I’m not trying to say the blame isn’t on the both of us, but that’s also why I think we need to give this some time. Maybe let’s work on communicating a bit better before we try again.”

That was absolutely something Rus could get behind. “this is a pretty good start, i’d say.”

Edge’s arm around him tightened in a soft hug. “I agree. A very good start.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading and sticking with me on this!

**Author's Note:**

> Second chapter coming soon since you've all (probably) read this chapter already.


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